She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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