Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
