I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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