I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize