i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He passed out mid-signature
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
