Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize