i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
