I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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