just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
