A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize