I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
