I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
