I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
