im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
