I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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