You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
