so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
