Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
