I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
