Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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