i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
