I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
