I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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