Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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