Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
