You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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