whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
