Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
