I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
