i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
