he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
