One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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