Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
