i think i have two assholes
We got so high we made milksteak
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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