And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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