hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
