Define "chronic" masturbator.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
