my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
