It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
