This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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