btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
