dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
