I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
