Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
