I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize