Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
