i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize