? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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