The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
