I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
BRING THE BAGELS
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
