So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
