look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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