ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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