I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
