My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
