What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize