$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
