You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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