Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
