Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
