remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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