Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
