every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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