She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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