my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
