I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
