Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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