I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
