i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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