I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
