So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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