First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
