I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
