i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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